I was
19 years old and I knew I was a lesbian when I joined
the Air Force. I (thought) I was completely prepared to
go back into the closet and possibly be alone for the
next six years, but I joined because I wanted to be a
linguist. Upon arrival at DLI, the very first person I
befriended was in training to be a Spanish linguist. She
was also a Lesbian. I met more gay and lesbian people
while I was in service than any other environment to
include high school and college.
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I
abandoned the idea that I would have to be alone or keep
who I was a secret before language class ever even
started. I came out to my class of 10 people a couple of
days into class and got mixed reactions. Some were
surprised and asked questions out of curiosity. Some
told me that they already knew. None of my peers EVER
treated me negatively because I was gay. At the very
most, a few individuals felt conflicted because of their
religious views, but for the most part we joked about it
or it was a non issue. I did not tell my teachers, but
I’m fairly certain some of them were well aware. I
graduated from my Persian-Farsi beginner’s course in
September of 2004. I was the only student in my class to
graduate with honors. Throughout my career my scores on
the DLPT, a test that ascertains ones current
proficiency in his/her target language, never fell below
passing. In fact, I all but one time got the maximum
scores possible. |
I
arrived at Fort Gordon in February of 2005. I was
reunited with a large number of the service members with
whom I had attended DLI. I also met a lot of new people
with different training backgrounds. Analysts, Morse
Code operators and other linguists who were trained in
other languages. I made no effort to go back into “the
closet.” Everyone knew me. We went to picnics together.
We played flag football on the base flag football
league. Some of us played rugby for the city team. We
had gone through a year and a half of training together.
Some of them asked me to babysit their kids or dogs, or
watch their homes while they went on vacations. More
importantly at this point, we worked together as a team.
We respected each other and respected each other’s
differences. When a new operator came in, there was
never an effort to hide who I was. I told them right
away if they took issue with me they needed to say
something to me or do something about it. No one ever
“turned me in.”
After
about three and a half years of service with absolutely
no disciplinary action, I was caught up in a "scandal"
at Fort Gordon. A lot of my friends from DLI were
trained in other languages and were sent off to
different places. Some of us were in Hawaii and Alaska
and Maryland and Iraq or just down the hallway in
different offices. We devised a way to keep in touch and
make the nights go by faster at work. One of us made a
chat room much like something one would see from Yahoo
or AIM. There were somewhere between 9 and 14 gays and
lesbians participating in this chat.
Months went by and we grew
more and more comfortable. If there was not a lot of
work to be done, we were very active just talking about
anything. One day a “random” inspection was conducted by
the Navy Inspector General. This inspection led to the
consequent discovery of our chat channel along with
dozens of others. While it was not necessarily meant to
be a "gay chat," that's what it turned into and that's
what people called it. I contacted SLDN immediately and
was put in contact with Sharra Greer.
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Several of us were pulled from our
operator positions. At this point, I remember my
shop being undermanned and thinking that because
of this, whatever the command chose to do would
be fast. I was put on casual status for about a
month and a half while the command kept me in
the dark about what my punishment would be. I
was certain that I'd be kicked out because of
the nature of our conversations. (We were all
very good friends and had known each other for
years, and therefore we were very comfortable
talking about anything and everything) Aside
from being pulled from my position and having
access to my workspace taken away, I was forced
to read highlighted portions of the conversation
aloud to the Commander, the squadron
superintendent, the first sergeant, my
supervisor, and several other officers and
higher enlisted whose roles I'm still not sure
of. The things I read and the |
things
that were in that transcript did a lot more than
imply that I am a Lesbian. There were even notes
and scribbles that showed whoever went through
the transcript had deduced that I was gay. |
Other
people who were caught misusing the system (talking
about murder plots, cheating on spouses, having
illegitimate children that they did not intend to take
care of and joking about rape being the worst of it)
were handed their punishments swiftly. They had to write
letters on professionalism. Few were given Article 15’s.
All of the services handled their service members in
their own way. The Marine Corps pretty much brushed off
the incident. Two of my friends who were in the Navy
were chaptered out for DADT. An army female was first handed UCMJ
punishment, but was later kicked out under DADT because her command received an anonymous
letter complaining that she was now being openly gay.
I was
pulled aside by a senior enlisted individual who was
weeks away from retiring and was told that all of the
evidence they had against me from the chat had been sent
up to legal to see what they could “make stick”. It’s
important to note that this man is straight. He and one
other individual of the same rank had read the entire
transcript and knew everything that was said in context
that day.
He
went on to tell me that the command didn't have the
stomach to go through with chaptering me out because
before this point, I had informed my supervisor that I
wanted to volunteer to deploy to Iraq and had always
received exceptional scores on Enlisted Personnel
Reports. My operational supervisors, a British Royal Air
Force Flight Sergeant and a Navy Petty Officer who also
knew that I was gay, made it a point to constantly call
asking when I’d return and made every effort to applaud
my work ethic and character.
After
a month of sitting and waiting, I actually wrote a
letter stating that I was gay and that the treatment I
was getting for it was ridiculous. I was sure they were
going to kick me out anyway and I just wanted to get it
over with so I could move forward with my career. Before
I could build up the courage to turn it in, the same
senior enlisted person told me that the command would
not be kicking me out and unless I was absolutely sure
that I wanted to be kicked out for DADT that I should
keep the letter to myself.
I was
called into the commander’s office a few days later and
received an Article 15 for dereliction of duty in that I
misused of a government system. The command never
mentioned my sexuality or any part of the context from
the chat. The commander even said that the Article 15
had absolutely nothing to do with the context of the
chat. The punishment attached to my Article 15 included
forfeiture of pay ($600) for 2 months, a UIF
(unfavorable information file) and inability to test for
E-5 for 2 years. I was personally asked if I wished to
continue service because they had the option of placing
my name on a roster that would move my ETS to a date
that was much closer. After considering my lack of job
security at that point, I said “no,” but the deadline to
get my name on the roster was missed.
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I was
23 years old when this incident occurred. It was such a
stressful time. I saw two good friends of mine lose
their careers. One of them had already re-enlisted and
was not ready to let go because he loved the Navy. I
remember seeing him cry after marching with SLDN at the
Atlanta pride parade and being very proud of his
dedication. I felt ashamed of being in the Air Force for
the first time, for going to work on time, for showing
up in uniform and for working hard for a machine that
could spit me out at anytime. I felt stupid. |
More
than anything, I realized that I was not invincible and
that it really didn’t matter how hard I worked or what
my DLPT scores were. I was gay and my Air Force career
could have ended at any time for reasons out of my
control. Someone could have turned me in for something
that was not my choice. I could have said something in
or out of uniform that could have been heard by the
wrong person. The incident made me more responsible, I
took care to plan further ahead. I still didn’t care to
hide who I was, but I was more careful and I made sure
that I had something to fall back on. I don’t know if
one would call it lucky or not that I “was allowed” to
complete my enlistment, but I am grateful for the
language training and the experience.
I
returned to work the day after I was informed the
deadline for the roster had been missed. I became a
deputy lead operator within 2 weeks of returning and a
trainer very soon after that. I made lead operator about
2 months after returning. I made no effort to deploy. I
watched my peers make E-5 while I did not participate in
testing. Throughout the remainder of my career, I made
it a point to be the best I could be in relation to the
mission. I felt that I had something to prove. I believe
those of us that were not kicked out all had something
to prove. We were everywhere. At every level of rank,
every job capacity and every office we were there and
everyone knew it.
After everything, I knew that
I would not be re-enlisting . I ETS’d on 29 MAY 2009 as
an E-4 and got a job as a Dari/Farsi linguist in
Afghanistan.
© 2010
Gay Military Signal