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CHIEF
SHIPLEY SPEAKS OUT
William
J. Shipley, Sr.
Chief
Petty Officer, USCG, Ret. |
I retired from the U. S.
Coast Guard after serving over 20 years in this
great service. This letter is not directed in any
way toward the U. S. Coast Guard. It is however,
but, directed at our government’s policy of gays
in the military. I think it is way beyond time to
let gays serve their county. After serving in the
Coast Guard in many highly visible and responsible
positions such as Company Commander, Leading Petty
Officer of the Ceremonial Honor Guard and as
Enlisted Aide to the Atlantic Area Commander, I
feel I am proof that gays can serve in the
military. Yes, if you have not figured it out, I
am also a "gay American". No, I’m not
your "stereo typical" gay man; but, what
does a gay man look like anyway?
I’m sure there will be
many people surprised, but it is true. When I was
18 years old I enlisted in the Coast Guard, got
married and had my first child all in the same
year. I did all of this because I really thought I
could "change" and be "normal"
like the rest of society. After keeping this
secret and having several children it became
harder and harder to do. No, this was not a phase,
I really was gay and there was no
"changing". I then retired and became a
Naval Science Instructor and helped run one of the
top seven NJROTC Units in the United States. I
then went to another school and opened the first
NJROTC in Lincoln County in Western North
Carolina. As you can see I have lived a very
successful life. However, I was beyond unhappy,
having to pretend to be someone I was not. I
actually thought my situation was unique, I have
been surprised to find out it is not. There are
many people like me. Four years ago I decided that
I could no longer do this, that life was not worth
living if I had to continue to live this way -
always wondering what if someone found out I was
gay. I decided that I did not owe anyone,
including society, to have to live this way.
I separated from, then
divorced, my wife of 23 years. One good thing is
that we managed to hold on long enough to raise
our children. When I came out to my children and
to people who were close to me, to my surprise, no
one felt any different about me. I don’t know
who came up with the theory that being gay is a
"life style" or that gays want to be
gay. Let me just say that anyone who would choose
to be gay would be an idiot. Who would choose to
put up with the kind of stuff that women and other
minorities had to put up with in the past? Yes, I’m
sorry to upset anyone but it is discrimination. If
you ask most young people serving in the military
and those not serving in the military they would
tell you that they "don’t care". The
people who have the problem are the ones my age or
older.
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We use the phrase in the
military that allowing gays to serve would be
"against good order and discipline". I
really don’t understand what a person’s sexual
orientation has to do with that. Why is it that we
accept everything else in society including
different religions. Do we discharge someone from
the military because they say they are a certain
religion or they don’t believe in god. Where do
we draw the line? What is against good order and
discipline is when someone is not treated fairly
in the military. Some people like to use the
"shower issue". This issue I really don’t
understand. When I was in the Coast Guard I
obviously had to shower with other males. In fact,
being an athlete and working out I had to shower
with males probably more than most. I can honestly
say that I never thought about anything except
taking a shower. The reason that males and females
have different showers is for obvious reasons, we
are biologically different. The bottom line is
that we expect our military personnel to be
professional and treat each other with respect. If
you don’t adhere to the rules then you don’t
need to be in the military. It is no different
than a person being sexually harassed, we don’t
put up with this type of behavior now and should
not put up with "gays" harassing anyone
as well. Some would say that "you would have
never been able to do hold those types of
positions or even be in the military, if people
had known you were gay". You are possibly
right, so, who is the one who has the issue. As a
young teenage boy trying to get out of the inner
city of Baltimore, and escape poverty my sexual
orientation was really not in the forefront of my
mind at the time. In fact, at 17 years old I don’t
think I was really sure what my "sexual
orientation was". |
I remember when I was
stationed at Coast Guard Headquarters and we had
to attend a mandatory meeting given by a former
Commandant who was the Chief of Personnel at the
time. It concerned women not being accepted in the
military. This Admiral stated that I don’t care
how many years you have in the Coast Guard, women
are here to stay, if you cannot accept it then you
can get out. I was sitting there thinking I wish
he was saying that about gays in the military as
well. When I came out to my family, friends and
students I was pleasantly surprised. With actually
only one exception, they all said so, it doesn’t
matter or I still love you. They were right it
doesn’t matter. It only matters what type of
person you turn out to be. I think to sum up the
"fear of coming out", I was given a gift
inscribed with the following. "A friend knows
all about you . . . And still likes you!" If
I had judged friends of mine in the military by a
certain characteristic I would have missed out on
some great friendships. I had a great career in
the military and as a Naval Science Instructor and
had the pleasure of serving with some of the
finest people in the world. I also had the great
opportunity to make a difference with molding our
future Coast Guard men and women as a Company
Commander and as an Instructor. So, for those of
you who don’t want to serve with "gay’s"
in the military I guess I’m the kind of person
you don’t want to serve with?
Patriotic gay men and
women want to serve their country, just like their
straight shipmates. Don’t ask, Don’t tell
forces them to lie about who they are and risk
their entire military career in order to fulfill
their duties as a loyal American." Life is
too short and I’m just glad that I had the
foresight and courage to make this change in my
life. I feel that my family and I are much better
because of this.
Most of the above text
has been published in the January, publication of
the Navy Times. What I did not talk about in this
article, were the three reasons I decided to go
public. When I told my children of which I have
five. They all reacted differently. One of my sons
who served in the Coast Guard had a harder time
with it. I feel it was due to his concerns of how
his Coast Guard friends would react. I did not
tell my youngest children, who are twins until
they were almost 18. I was absolutely stunned to
find out my son, who is one of my twin’s, was
gay. I might add that this was not a pleasant
surprise for me. It was hard for me to deal with,
mainly, because I know how hard his life would now
become. Without getting into much of the
conversation the he and I had, I will just say
that I support him. I would have regardless of my
sexual orientation. I don’t think him being gay
was much of a surprise to his siblings. So, for
those who have been wondering, he is the number
one reason that I decided to go public.
Another reason was to
show that there are many professional, successful,
gay military members that have served or is still
serving their country with pride and distinction.
The final reason was something that I had to do
for me. The toughest thing I’ve had to do in my
life is go through most of it living a lie. No
matter how successful I became or how hard I
worked I was always wondering "would they
still feel the same way about me if they knew who
I really was". That is an absolute terrible
way to have to live one’s life. I told a good
friend of mine who is also a former
Coastguardsman. Gay people actually have something
on their side. If we decide to "come
out" we get to see who our friends really
are. Many straight people never get to know.
So, with that said, I can
honestly say I finally feel inner peace. Since my
article in the Navy Times I have received many
calls and e-mails from former Coast Guard members
giving me their support and best wishes, for that
I am eternally grateful. I have said many times
that only 20% of a person is their sexuality.
Also, I feel it is not who you start out to be in
life it is the kind of person you become. I also
understand why there is so much emphasis put on a
person’s sexuality. For a long time even I put
too much emphasis on my sexuality and not on the
kind of person I was. So, I do understand this.
Finally, I’m going to
do my part to help ensure that gays be allowed to
serve openly in the military just like our
straight shipmates do. Obviously there are too
many reasons to count; I don’t understand why
gays are not allowed to serve their country. I don’t
think the regulations have changed. But, I wish
someone would explain to me, why citizens from
other countries are allowed to come to the United
States, and before they become citizens, allowed
to serve as an enlisted member of the military.
But, a person who is openly gay is not allowed to
enlist and serve. I know this to be a fact,
because I know many people who fell into this
category. This statement is not meant to offend
anyone. But, it is just another example of how the
"Don’t ask, Don’t Tell" Policy makes
no sense. I don’t know how as Americans we
continue to allow this to happen.
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