Reflections on
Memorial Day
and Pride Month 2014
By Tony Smith |
|
The time between
Memorial Day and 4th
of July holidays are
major book-ends for
what has become a
full month of June
many recognize as
LGBT Pride Month.
This year, those two
holidays for me
personally, and for
many other friends
and loved ones,
highlighted both how
far we’ve come in
this country for
LGBT civil rights,
the sacrifices made,
and the work yet to
be done.
It began on May
26, 2014 Memorial Day at Arlington Cemetery. For many years the
American Veterans for Equal Rights (AVER) has participated in the annual
Memorial Day events in Arlington Cemetery with placing a wreath at the
Tomb of the Unknowns alongside many other Veterans Service Organizations
(VSOs). During the days of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) the name of
that sacred ground, Tomb of the Unknowns, took on another meaning for
me. I thought of the thousands of unknown LGBT service members across
those rolling verdant Virginia hills of Arlington Cemetery who gave the
ultimate sacrifice in service to country but were really unknown in life
because they couldn’t share their whole identity for fear of being
discharged. I thought of my friend Major Alan Rogers, USA, buried in
section 60 and his sacrifice on the battlefield in Iraq.
Just before and
after the repeal of DADT, the AVER participation in the annual event
faltered due to event coordinator changes, folks moving out of the area,
and many other reasons and conflicting priorities. A couple years ago,
I reached out to the AVER National leadership and coalition partner
Military Partners and Families Coalition (MPFC) and offered to restart
the tradition because for me and many others, this was one annual event
we should never let slip away. For me and other veterans participation
in the Memorial Day events at Arlington Cemetery is a unique and moving
tribute and opportunity to pay our respects and give thanks for ALL of
those who have served and sacrificed including our LGBT brothers and
sisters in arms. And with DADT repealed, I felt it was even more
important to stand up and participate.
I’ve personally
participated in placing wreaths at the Tomb of the Unknowns as well as
carrying a flag in the processional inside the Amphitheater with the
President of the United States as well as the Joint Chiefs of Staff and
other senior government leadership in attendance. It is an
indescribably moving, emotional, humbling, and rewarding experience, and
one that I now try to share and create the opportunity for other special
guests and volunteers, active duty, LGBT spouses/partners, veterans, and
others in our military family.
This year in
2014 it was a pleasure and honor to have both new military
veterans/retirees and active duty service members along with spouses to
participate in the wreath laying as well as the amphitheater flag
procession. As happens each year, they were often approached by other
veterans and military members and families to thank them for their
service and welcome them to the event as part of the broader military
family. BG Tammy Smith USAR, and COL Kirk Phillips USAF, and his
husband Rob Arrington placed the wreath at the Tomb on behalf of
American Veterans for Equal Rights (AVER) and Military Partners and
Families Coalition (MPFC). Several other active duty members carried
the flags into the amphitheater, including the rainbow flag.
Whenever I
witness this event it reminds me that we have come a long way since the
days of DADT and previous bans on open LGBT service. I hope to continue
this tradition for many more years to come and share it with more
volunteers. It is an opportunity to honor All those who served and give
a voice and visibility to the thousands of LGBT unknowns in Arlington
Cemetery and beyond who don’t have to remain unknown anymore.
Fast forward to the end of Pride Month in
June, on the 25th of June my partner Ryan Choi, a South
Korean immigrant, took his oath for U.S. citizenship and registered to
vote. I stood alongside him as his proud partner and fiancé and we hope
to be married legally soon. I know that Ryan loves this country and as
a new citizen will serve it well. As a young gay man when I joined
the Air Force I would never have thought I’d see the day where we can
serve openly in the U.S. Military and also legally marry.
Shortly after
his citizenship oath I was invited as the guest speaker at the first
ever Department of Defense (DoD) Pride Event at Naval Medical Center
Portsmouth. It was an honor and pleasure to travel to Portsmouth
Virginia to speak during the event. Once I arrived there, I talked with
several of the sailors and the Chief who was the senior enlisted sponsor
for the event. They were excited to have the event taking place on June
30th, the last day of Pride Month especially since several
challenges throughout the Command had caused it to be delayed and
rescheduled multiple times. Despite some opposition and challenges they
had with the event, it was held as scheduled and those pioneering
sailors made a little bit of history. For them it may not have seemed
like a major event, but for those in the room and the thousands of LGBT
sailors and staff yet to come through that hospital it was an important
milestone.
One thing did stand out at the event though. Even with all
of the progress we’ve made on LGBT civil rights, especially regarding
open military service, their still remains barriers for our Transgender
service members, career/promotion risks in some Commands for not only
LGBT service members but our straight allies as well. As I spoke that
day and looked out in the audience I could see the work still to be done
through the faces of those present. They were happy we’ve come this
far, yet also know we have work still to do.
On a unseasonably cool
July summer evening my partner Ryan and I decided to go down to the Mall
under the shadow of the Washington Monument and watch the Fourth of July
Fireworks for the first time for him as a new U.S. citizen. As I looked
around us in the twilight at the other couples and families and friends
gathered on blankets and lawn chairs awaiting the fireworks, I noticed
the diversity, including LGBT couples, and how we all were gathered to
celebrate the birthday of this great nation, a nation built on
immigrants, built on diversity. We were all there as one, and that
moment for me was a relevant bookend to the events that started on
Memorial Day. Highlighting how as a nation and a military family we all
come together in our common, shared reflection to honor and celebrate
that which binds us while at the same time respecting and recognizing
the diversity that gives us strength. We look back and celebrate what
we have accomplished and honor those who served and sacrificed. While
we also roll up our sleeves and press forward together for the work
still to be done.
Photos by Tracy Hepner, MPFC