Flying Out
Darin and David
by Darin
Brunstad |
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On the
15th of October (his first National
Guard Drill since the repeal of DADT), my
partner stood up at his promotion ceremony
and introduced me as his husband. You could
have heard a pin drop. One airman at the
back of the room started clapping slowly,
but soon stopped after he realized that he
was the only one doing so. The room became
quiet again, my husband swallowed hard and
began the most important speech he has ever
given to date.
We hadn't planned for it to work out this
way, really - David had insisted that he
wasn't going to come out publicly after
repeal. He was convinced that he would be
scorned and the resulting disruption would
undermine his leadership abilities, as well
as his mission. He was truly grateful that
the threat of discharge no longer stalked
him every time he stepped on base, but had
decided he would just deal with it as best
he could if and when anyone on base found
out he was gay.
He was supposed to be promoted a month
before repeal, and this promotion was
especially important to him because it was
to the rank he wanted to achieve before
retirement. But then his ceremony was
delayed, and in the meantime DADT became
history. I let him know that I wanted to
come to the post-repeal ceremony, but I also
accepted that it would not be me that
decided how and when he came out on base.
But then two weeks or so before the event he
told me he wanted me to attend. I could
tell that he had been stewing for a few
days, but I hadn't been sure why. I told
him that just being there would be enough,
and that I didn't expect him to make any
kind of a statement. Let's take this
slowly, I said. I brought this up a lot as
we got closer to the day, but he would just
nod in a non-committed manner.
A week before his speech he came out to one
one his
Iraq buddies - a former supervisor,
who was also his best friend on base. They
both decided that, out of respect, it was
best to inform the command staff and the
guys at his shop before the ceremony. The
command staff was first, and he shook as he
waited past their stunned silence; but they
said it wasn't an issue and agreed that a
traditional formal promotion ceremony would
ensue.
Then David sat down for a heart to heart
with the seven guys at his shop. These were
the ones he was most worried about - the
ones he had worked side by side for so many
years without them having any idea who he
really was. Again, there was a stunned
silence. He said he could see the wheels
turning in each of their heads as they
processed the information and started to put
it all together. Then came unqualified
statements of support, followed by the
raunchy jokes and ribbing typical of how
guys in the military talk to each other.
David stopped holding his breath, exhaled
heavily, and knew everything was going to be
ok.
So, as he started his speech, 10 of the 70
or so people in the room already knew what
was coming. After my introduction he
explained to everyone in the room what it
had been like to serve under the burden of
DADT, and how I had been standing by him as
a silent partner the whole time. He
reiterated that it was a proud, new day for
the Air Force. He ended by asking everyone
in the room to accompany him as they walked
this new path together. The room erupted in
thunderous applause, and he got a standing
ovation.
There was a formal receiving line after the
ceremony, and I was overwhelmed by the hugs,
handshakes and heartfelt congratulations.
Some quickly shook my hand and made no eye
contact, and some skipped the line all
together, but they truly seemed to be the
minority.
Next I got to tour the base and David's
shop. I tried to soak in every detail I
could, as I had heard about it all for so
many years - never thinking I would ever get
the opportunity to see the place my husband
had given so much of himself to. I felt
awkward inserting myself amongst David's
peers, so I stood to the side as much as
possible at first. What if they didn't like
me? What if my presence messed up the easy
camaraderie that was so important to David?
But then came the time to engage, and soon
we were laughing and joking. Later that
night we all ended up at a party eating
pizza and drinking (lots of) beer and it was
like DADT had never existed. And since that
time, I have watched with great satisfaction
as David's relationships with his straight
counterparts on base have grown and
blossomed more than we ever could have
imagined. I wasn't so much his 'coming
out', as it was finally being able to let
others in.
On a side note, we eloped last week and got
legally married. We were married on a
bridge that overlooks the naval shipyard
where my grandfather retired. Although we
had a commitment ceremony in 1994, it wasn't
legal anywhere at the time. Once it did
become legal, we couldn't partake because it
was a violation of DADT.
© 2011 Gay Military Signal |
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