Enlisting was not on my radar.
I was exempt from service as the only son of a
deceased decorated WWI veteran. I had even turned
down an automatic appointment to West Point. But,
there I was, waiting for the bus home to tell Mom I
was quitting college after only three semesters. The
bus station happened to have an Air Force recruiting
office and I had more news for Mom by the time I got
home.
Although I was well aware of whom I was attracted
to, society disapproved. In the late 1950s, that who
or what I was, was still a secret even to myself. I
could not possibly be one of those "queers" and so I
saw no conflict in enlisting to serve my country.
Maybe joining the Air Force was subconsciously going
to help me prove that. Frankly, I needed some
direction in my life and felt this was the right
move.
Basic training was
a rude awaking; it was and still is for most
recruits. Yet, I got into better shape than ever and
discovered the discipline, teamwork and camaraderie
of being a member of the United States Armed Forces.
Still only eighteen years old, I was finding many
things that had been missing in my life. Then they
told me that all that testing they put me through
showed I would be best suited to become a medical
technician, a corpsman. My first reaction was pure
fear, but the aptitude determination turned out to
be remarkably correct. I thrived in training and
became a proud corpsman that loved his job.
|
My first assignment was Andrews Air
Force Base, just outside Washington, DC.
I was working OJT (on the job training)
to become a well-rounded medic and
worked all the major departments from
the emergency room to surgery. A year
later I was transferred to Wheelus AFB
in Tripoli, Libya. Now things were
different to say the least. The base
itself was not primitive but sure not
state of the art. Tripoli was
fascinating as was the country itself. I
was assigned to the maternity and
nursery as well as part of the emergency
field hospital.
It was
a much smaller base than many and the
hospital was likewise a smaller and
tighter unit. And in that isolated
place where |
camaraderie was so important, there was
an incident that resulted in my being
called to report to the Commander’s
office. I was suddenly under
investigation for being a homosexual.
Are you kidding? How could such a thing
have anything to do with me? I was
devastated and scared to death for my
reputation and my career. I was not
queer, honest. |
It turned out that
I had been caught up in a contrived sting operation
that was part of a major “witch hunt” against
homosexuals. My roommates volunteered to testify on
my behalf. Finally I was called in and advised that I
was cleared based on what they called the “Queen for
a Day” clause. It basically meant that I was not an
active participant and did not pursue what was
supposed to have happened. This classification was
based on a theory that many young men do experiment.
To save my reputation I was offered reassignment
anywhere in our European command, but I turned it
down. My fellow medics and other airman had stood by
me and I was confident the whole thing was behind
me.
|
After fifteen months I was assigned to
Francis E. Warren AFB, Cheyenne, WY. I
was getting great performance reviews
and made E-3, Airman First Class, ahead
of schedule. I was pushed to not only
reenlist but to sign up for a
commissioning program to get a
Bachelor’s degree in nursing. Vietnam
had become a real war and the need for
male nurses was huge. I had become a
confident and respected corpsman. I was
proud of what I was doing, so
reenlisting, and taking the extra night
school classes to qualify for the
commissioning program was a no brainer.
I became active in the local community,
which garnered further official
recognition. I was selected to attend
the Non-Commissioned Officers Academy,
|
graduating second in my class. I won the
speaking contest and was master of
ceremonies for the graduation banquet.
And yet, at this point in time, I was
still confused as to my sexual identity. |
Out of nowhere, I
received orders to the US Air Force Academy
Hospital. In those days (1965) this was a prestige
assignment for which even enlisted men were hand
picked. My career was on its way, a top assignment,
only a few credits away from being qualified to
attend Syracuse University. It felt right to be part
of the medical field, helping those that needed care
and understanding, sometimes in the most critical of
times of their lives. The problem was that I was
starting to realize that yes, I think I just might
be homosexual. Realizing the truth at last, I
wondered if would be able to maintain the lie I now
had to consciously live. I had already survived one
investigation, so no way would I get through
another, especially in the Academy’s strict moral
environment.
|
I had to take stock of my situation, of
my personal versus professional life.
For some reason I had not been promoted
for some time and the commissioning
program kept being put off. Was there
something going on? I was now admitting
to myself that I was living a lie and
the fear of a dishonorable discharge was
real. They pushed me to reenlist again
and promoted me at the last minute, but
I just didn’t have the confidence in a
military career any longer. I wanted it,
for myself and so I could continue to proudly
serve my country, but it was time to be
realistic. With the existing prejudice
there was no one you could talk to, you
just understood the axe could fall any
|
second.
No one should live like that. I
regretfully did not reenlist, leaving
behind a career I loved; taking with me
the medical training and experience that
was and still is so vital to our armed
forces. A great deal of time and money
had been spent getting me to this level
of expertise and we both were going to
be missing something. |
I went on as a
civilian to become a recognized and successful hotel
and resort sales and marketing executive. I had a
White House clearance to be President Gerald R.
Ford’s Vail, Colorado coordinator and held offices
in several trade organizations including being
Colorado Chapter President and National Convention
Chairman for the International Hotel Sales and
Marketing Association. I did quite well for myself
but remained in the closet for most of that time.
The fear of exposure was always there even in
civilian life in those pre Stonewall days.
In those days any executive found out to simply be
homosexual could be disgraced for life. It was not
until decades later, as civil rights, women’s
rights, and gay rights became politically correct,
that many gay men could even imagine aspiring to any
sort of respectable career beyond menial work, for
fear of discovery. The stress of daring to take
that risk was not much different from serving in
silence in the military at that time. I thought I
had escaped that constant fearful torment when I
left the Air Force; but it only got worse as I
became more successful and prominent in my civilian
career. Today, that destructive stress is called
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It can
involve alcoholism and extreme anxiety. My career
collapsed and I became homeless. In a treatment
program, a psychologist spent quite sometime
discussing the damage that can be done by living a
lie, especially living two lives. I finally was able
to come to terms with society’s discrimination and
accept that their bigotry was their problem.
|
During that time, I saw an article about
a group of gay veterans who were going
to meet to march in Denver’s 1994 gay
pride parade. I went. Things changed.
The pride I had always had as a member
of the US armed forces returned at the
same time I finally became proud of
being gay. I marched as part of the
color guard leading the parade. All the
stored emotions came out along that
parade route. Crowds cheered us for our
service to their country and for being
gay. The tears flowed and a career as an
activist began. |
Having regained my
personal pride and self-confidence, I worked for
Blue Cross for many years and was open as a gay man.
I became active with the formation of the Colorado
Chapter of the American Veterans for Equal Rights. I
served four years as President of the chapter as
well as Chairman for three national conventions. I
led a program that raised funds and provided meals
for Urban Peak, a homeless youth center.
Poor health forced me out of action for a couple of
years, but I have returned with a vengeance. I now
serve as a member of the SAGE of the Rockies board
of directors at Denver’s GLBT Center, a member of
the SAGE fall 2010 Convention committee and was
recently appointed to the Mayor’s Denver GLBT
Commission. I’m proud to say that I have already
sponsored a resolution that was passed unanimously
by the GLBT Commission in support of the repeal of
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.
I
have come full circle. I was a proud Air Force
corpsman who would have gladly served until
retirement. But I am now a proud veteran, a proud
gay veteran and a proud gay man. I am now very happy
and proud to serve my fellow GLBT Americans.
© 2010 Gay Military Signal