American Family Values
by
Michael
Noftzger |
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They always
say hindsight is 20/20 and looking in the rearview
mirror of my life, I can attest to that fact. It seems
as if military service was a fate I could not escape. It
is something I see not only as the child of two veterans
but also in some of my earliest photographs where I was
a chubby faced infant wearing my great-grandfathers BDU
blouse from WWII.
My childhood
is one not too different from that of many children of
the military, I spent my formative years growing up on
or around military bases, spent weekends going to the
air shows and touring military aircraft, and witnessing
first hand the dedicated service of men and women
protecting our nation. My father and mother both served
in the US Air Force, my mother leaving shortly after my
birth and my father making a career of it. We were the
All-American family, Dad donning his BDU’s to go to work
every day, soccer games on Saturdays, and church on
Sundays. I was raised in a Southern Baptist household
and t spent my summers as a counselor at a Baptist
summer camp.
During my
senior year of high school I decided to forgo college
and pursue a career in the US Army. I chose to enlist in
the US Army for a multitude of reasons, to make a better
life for myself, to follow the example of service
instilled in me by my parents who were both veterans of
the US Air Force, and to secure funding so that I would
be able to pursue a higher education.
I shipped out
for Basic Training at Ft. Benning, Georgia on July 15th,
1999. Despite the initial fear I felt, I found that time
flew by and I quickly adapted to military life. It was
during basic training that I realized that my enlistment
meant so much more than then my initial reasons for
joining. I was given the privilege of defending the
greatest nation on earth, protecting the democratic
principles of Freedom and Equality that make our nation
great. Along with the privilege of serving, I found a
family away from home, the men and women I served with
were my brothers and sisters in arms, race and gender
disappeared, we were not men or women, white or black,
we were green and we were one, united in a higher
calling.
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Following
basic training I reported to Ft. Bragg, North Carolina
for Advanced Individual Training for Psychological
Operations. I excelled in the training and graduated on
the Commandant’s list. I then reported back to Ft.
Benning for Airborne school. Despite my fear of heights
I successfully completed the course and was finally sent
to my duty station at Ft. Bragg, North Carolina where I
was assigned to 1st Psychological Operations
Battalion (A), a unit that worked with US Southern
Command on issues relating to Central and South America.
After two months at my duty station, I was sent to the
Basic Military Language Course for four months where I
learned Spanish. Following my completion of the course,
I returned back to my unit and began serving following
the year I had spent in training. |
I quickly
fell into the normal routine and found a group of my
colleagues that became very good friends. I continued to
excel in my service, going to the soldier of the month
board and placing second to a soldier who had been in
the Army for several years longer than I had, was
promoted to PFC, and finally was sent to Bogotá,
Colombia in support of the interdiction, eradication,
and Human rights campaigns in the region. I was afforded
the opportunity to work with the Colombian police and
military to produce calendars for Colombian children to
encourage them to avoid the drug trade, hoping that
their parents would also see and not fall into the trap
of trafficking narcotics. My time in Colombia was a
highlight of my service and offered me the opportunity
to make a difference working against the plague of drugs
in the region. After six months in Colombia, I returned
to Ft. Bragg where I was awarded a Joint Service
Achievement Medal for my efforts in Colombia.
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A week after
my twenty-first birthday I finally reached the point
where I admitted and accepted that I was gay and decided
to utilize the values of integrity and personal courage
and quit lying to myself and pretending to be something
I was not. I quickly fell into a defensive posture,
Monday through Friday I went to the office, deflected
questions about what I had done the previous weekend and
refused to discuss my personal life. As a result of the
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy I was forced to compromise
my integrity and lie in order to avoid disclosing
anything that would warrant an investigation of my
sexual orientation. I lived two separate lives and while
exhausting, it was a necessary evil to protect myself
against the policy. |
I was able to
maintain this balancing act for nearly a year, when I
was seen embracing my boyfriend at a gay bar by one of
my good friends girlfriend. Upon seeing her I panicked
and quickly bolted out the door and she followed. She
told me that she would not tell a soul and that I had
nothing to worry about. Several months went by and I
continued to live my dual lives, exhausted at having to
remember the stories I told to my straight counterparts
to explain my absence on the weekends. One night when I
returned home, my friend whose girlfriend had seen me
came up and wanted to talk. We went into my room and a
sense of dread overcame me. He then asked me if I was
gay. Knowing that he had violated the policy and
assuming that nothing could really come of it, I replied
affirmatively. He said it was cool and it wasn’t a big
deal and we had a beer. He told me I had nothing to
worry about and naively I believed him.
A month later
I stopped by my old detachment to see some friends I had
not seen recently. While there, a NCO that I had
previously worked for with whom I had somewhat of a
difficult relationship with made a snide comment that he
had “heard all the gossip about me.” Shortly thereafter
I returned to the barracks after a night out to discover
a pamphlet from the Chaplain’s office on homosexuality
shoved in my door. Worse yet, many individuals who I had
been close with, for whom I would have willingly laid
down my life, avoided me and refused to talk to me.
However, despite the negative reactions of some, many
people came to me and said that regardless of what my
sexual orientation might be they knew I was a good
soldier and that is all that mattered. I was also
fortunate to find a small enclave of fellow gay soldiers
who offered a support system to deal with the pressures
of being a gay soldier and had it not been for them
those times would have been much more difficult To this
day, I strongly believe that the negative reactions I
received were more in response to the lies I was forced
to tell then to my actual sexual orientation but the
positive reinforcement that I received proved to me that
it would be possible to serve openly and honestly
without fear of damaging unit cohesion, morale, or
combat readiness.
At the time
that I discovered that the information was out, I was in
the process of being medically discharged. One Doctor
asked me if I would like to stay in and reclassify to a
job that was not as physically demanding or would I just
like to get out. Knowing that the information was out
there and that I potentially faced a chapter 15, I told
the doctor I would prefer to get out.
On May 13,
2003 I was honorably discharged from the US Army and
left the service with a Joint Service Achievement Medal,
Army Commendation Medal, Good Conduct Medal, National
Defense Service Medal, and an Army Service Medal. I
resumed life as a civilian, enrolling at the University
of North Carolina Charlotte to pursue my BA in Political
Science.
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Today I can
look back and realize my tenure in the military is one
of the highlights of my life. It challenged me in ways I
could have never imagined, gave me an inner strength and
confidence that I never had and it is the experience I
take the most pride in. Nothing that I have accomplished
since would have been possible if not for the time I
spent serving this great nation. To this day despite the
hardships posed by military service, I would gladly give
up my life as a civilian to once again don the uniform
of the United States Army and continue serving my
country, defending the constitution against all enemies
both foreign and domestic. |
© 2009
Gay Military Signal |