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Cecil
Sinclair
A Life Well Lived
by Pepe
Johnson
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Throughout the twenty-minute drive to Paul Wagner’s
home, I kept trying to practice how I would begin. Two
weeks earlier, Paul’s partner, Cecil Sinclair, had
passed away due to illness. The High Point Church of
Arlington, Texas, offered to host the funeral. Paul and
Cecil’s family thanked the church and accepted their
offer. Less than twenty-four hours before the memorial
service was to take place, the church canceled claiming
they were unaware that Cecil was gay and could not go
forward with a ceremony that might seem to condone
homosexuality.
A flurry of media attention began with the Dallas
Morning News and word soon spread around the globe of
the church’s inhospitability. The family was able to
make new arrangements and the memorial service
proceeded. After reading the several articles and blogs
covering the story, it struck me that we knew a lot
about High Point Church, but little about Cecil
Sinclair. And shouldn’t Cecil Sinclair be the focus? |
Others felt the same way I did and it was suggested
GMT write a profile of Cecil so that our readers would
be able to know Cecil for the man he was and not simply
for the inappropriate actions of the church.
I sat down with Cecil’s partner, Paul Wagner, his
mother, and sister, Kathleen Wright. Through all of
their grief, the family was in good spirits and willing
to talk about Cecil. It is always a privilege to share
such precious memories. It is our hope that in some
small way we can honor Cecil.
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Kathleen had pulled Cecil out of the closet. Cecil had
always been a private person, not sharing too much with
his family. When she or anyone else asked him what he
was doing that weekend, he would respond, "I have a
social life." And would leave it at that. After not
seeing him for seven months, Kathleen was frustrated and
called him. In that one conversation, she assured her
brother that everything was all right and the family’s
love was unconditional. Without specifying, Cecil
understood exactly what she meant, and the closet door
came open. After that conversation, the relationship
between Cecil and his family became stronger. Honesty
opened the door and allowed light to enter.
Cecil’s family always felt he was gay. When he
joined the US Navy in 1982, it was surprising but not
shocking. Cecil had earned good marks in the college
courses he had taken, but college was not the place for
Cecil at that time. He joined the Navy and served as a
radioman at Barber’s Point, Hawaii. He toughed it out
for four years in paradise, and returned to Texas where
he continued to serve in the Naval Reserve. He also
returned to college and completed his Bachelor of
Science in Business Administration.
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Even with his education and four years of honorable
service to this nation, Cecil had trouble finding a job.
Without a war going on, it is easy for some to forget
that military service is still necessary and taking on a
new employee who had reserve duty once a month and
possible deployment down the road was not something many
employers wanted to accept. Cecil had been working as a
waiter and earning good money. Eventually he moved up
and trained others in providing excellent service. Paul
remembered that Cecil always set high standards for the
staff when they would go to restaurants. Cecil was
generous with the tip when the service merited such
generosity.
When Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait, Cecil, like many
other reservists, was called to active duty. Returning
to his work in communications, Cecil helped to
coordinate search-and-rescue efforts. In reality, Cecil
continued to be a private person and spoke sparingly of
his time in the Navy. His family had learned not to pry
too deeply and did not bother with millions of questions
when he returned. They were glad to have him home.
Whether at his civilian job or serving in the Navy,
Cecil was focused on the mission. He did not seek out
glory or special recognition for himself. He did not
embellish stories of his military career in order to
paint a picture of himself other than how he truly was.
After leaving the Naval Reserve and being dragged out
of the closet by his sister, Cecil became more involved
in their lives and in community life. He joined the
Turtle Creek Chorale, the world recognized gay men’s
chorus, in Dallas. He also began to introduce his gay
friends to his sister. Instead of living his life in
compartments, he was now able to enjoy a more complete
life.
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Paul and Cecil met online. But they weren’t in a
gay chatroom looking for sex. They were in a military
chatroom. When an aggressive anti-military activist
started to cause trouble, Cecil quickly shut him down.
Paul, who was in the Army, emailed Cecil to congratulate
him for a job well done. So the two began to correspond
regularly via email. Later they agreed to meet. Paul
drove up from Fort Hood in Killeen, Texas. Cecil lived
in the Oaklawn neighborhood in Dallas, a predominantly
GLBT area. Driving up Cedar Springs Road on a weekend
night, Paul began to realize there was something more to
Cecil than he had realized.
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After Paul left the Army in 2003, he looked at
several options. A native of Minnesota, he joined the
Army in 1987 and had traveled the world, but in the end
he decided to stay in Texas. He moved to Dallas and
moved in with Cecil. Cecil’s family fell in love with
Paul just like Cecil did.
Cecil Sinclair was a humble, private man who served
his country with dignity. And so we will always remember
him.
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