Profiles
in Patriotism:
Two
Vets In Love;
38 years and Counting
How we lived our lives in the life
by
Denny Meyer
Talk
about enduring marriage! Richard and
Joe have been together for thirty eight
years, through good times and tough, and
are retired on the coast of Florida.
Richard served in the Korean War; Joe
served during Vietnam. Their early
experiences were very different; yet they
met and melded into a lifetime love. |
|
Joe
was drafted into the Army in 1963, at age 24, when
'Nam' was not yet a 'war.' The US was
sending advisors who were nevertheless dying in
combat. Joe was put in medical corps as a
medical specialist and spent most of his service
in Washington State at a hospital adjacent to Ft Lewis. As was
common in those days, Joe was not Out; he was
conscious of being gay but was trying to be
straight. Being gay just was unacceptable in
his large extended Hispanic family. "I
came from an isolated world, the Army was my
opening to America," Joe said, "It
gave order and direction to my life. I got a
worldview and exposure to American life, even
though I was born and raised in America."
In the service and
away from home he began to meet other gay people,
experienced gay bars, and had his first two love
affairs. Life in the Army, oddly, was a
turning point where he came to accept that he was
gay. The Army also gave him his life's
career as a pharmacist. And, as with all gay
people in America's armed forces at all times,
there were moments of fear based upon the
presumption of discrimination. When a
scandal emerged about the lover of a gay officer,
Joe and his peers went through weeks of anxiety
about a supposed list of friends that fortunately
never came to light. Looking back on that an
other experiences in his military life, Joe
learned caution, gay codes of conduct for living
in the life in those days, and how to laugh off
situations that would terrify others.
Earning his honorable discharge, Joe never went
back home. Like so many others, his life
having been expanded from being in the military
and meeting all kinds of people, he began life on
his own.
Within
a year of leaving active duty, while still a
reservist in the National Guard, Joe met Richard
who would become the love for the rest of his
life.
Richard
grew up in the strict and rigid environment of a
seminary where even a warm friendship was looked
upon darkly. Seeking a meaning in life less
cloaked and cloistered, he followed his brother's
example and patriotically enlisted in the
Air Force in 1952 at the age of 19, went to radio
school, and was sent to Korea. There he
experienced friendship, nightly bombings, and
sleeping in foxholes, and earned three medals.
Life in the Air Force, serving in Korea and Japan,
opened the world for Richard just as he had hoped
and dreamed. In those days, coming out or
even coming to realize he was gay simply had no
opportunity however. It was not until age
31, in college, that that world burst upon his
consciousness and soul when he had his first love
and saw true happiness at last.
In
2003, Rich came up from Florida to march with us
in the New York City pride parade; he was 73 at
the time. The parade has one hundred
thousand marchers and three million spectators.
Perhaps I exaggerate a bit, but its the biggest in
the world. As we gay vets, carrying the
American and Rainbow flags, came into view on
block after block for 70 blocks and into Greenwich
Village, the crowds burst into thunderous
applause, cheering and blowing whistles wildly,
cops saluted our flags; it gave all of us goose
bumps. Halfway thru, Rich began to cry.
I asked him what was the matter. He said,
"No one ever thanked me for being a gay
veteran before." He served in Korea,
he'd waited FIFTY YEARS!
Having
met Joe, over coffee with friends, he never looked
back. Thirty eight years passed,
"almost without notice," as he put it.
"We had a dream together and made it come
true. We bought our first house together,
had friends who lived as we did, had our careers,
more houses, gave a little took a little, we
became one, and could not imagine life without
each other.
|